the end is near

like all things ephemeral, so is this blog.
there must be a better way to archive than having to highlight, apple C, then apple V into word, then eventually inDesign.
seeing that my last post was over 3 months ago, the time has come to inflict permanent decay unto this online diary of mine. while copying and pasting, i scanned some of my old posts. i don't regret starting this blog. i like to remember my thoughts; understanding that i have selective memory, they are nice reminders of past events. i think that's why i kept diaries the moment i learned english. sadly, nearly all of my written records perished. anything preceding age 18 now conjures up a black hole in my brain's memory center. from age 18 until the inception of this blog, i've been a spotty documentarian. bits and pieces of my 'legally adult' life are strewn about in my sketchbooks. since i started this blog 2 years ago, i've been an irresponsible sketchbooker.
it's back to the sketchbook diary.

i need a new nose

another long lag in blogging. this is in part due to lack of inspiration and also being so damn busy in the last month with work. i'm tired of drawing ultra dumbed-down hearts with mega defects that require multiple surgical corrections, like hypoplastic left heart syndrome (HLHS). being in patient education can be frustrating that way.
it's been a very low-key long weekend. i opted to do pretty much nothing. i feel like i'm still recovering from the last couple weeks of hell. plus, today something in the air triggered a massive histamine respone in my immune system. i've taken claritin, 2 ibuprofens, 2 benadryls (which knocked me out cold for 2 hours), and used nasal spray. i'm still stuffed up with drippy, watery snot in abundance.
celluoid watch:
me and you and everyone we know | a surprisingly wonderful film with quirky characters. even with its common themes of lonliness and happiness in life, it was really appealing and well-done.
strangers with candy | amy sedaris is odd (looking) and hilarious
little miss sunshine | i loved it- another dysfunctional family story. it featured music by devotchka (we saw them recently. it was the BEST show i've seen this past year)
inside deep throat | rather educational and should be in history books. actual porn clips, too.
milwaukee, minnesota | * * * (outta 5)
Iedereen beroemd! (everybody's famous) | * * * 1/2. we mimicked the singing of "lucky manuelo" for days.

Laetiporus sulphureus (sulfur shelf)

while searching for food in the sequoia national park, we spotted these beautiful, vibrant tree fungi thriving on remains of a fallen tree. if only we had known these 'shrooms were edible and taste like lemony chicken. that's why the fungus is also called as "chicken of the woods."

ragpicking

i love flea markets. egad, so does my capt kirk. we've scored some lovely finds at the various local flea markets. my sister and i have been scouring flea markets with my dad since school age. i don't think my mom liked to rummage through all that junk much. my dad loved good finds, antiques, tools, and just seeing the crazy shit folks are selling. after immigrating to houston, most of our pet pigeons came from the downtown flea market. therein lies my predilection for bric-a-bracs and old things. conveniently, my apartment is a 5-minutes drive to the alemany flea market (SF's best!). this sunday we bought an awesome accordion of italian origin. from the inscription by a previous owner, we know it is at least 37 years old. i also finally got my first couch ever, since moving out in 1993. it's a cute little old thing. even if i do find bedbugs, as a paranoid friend suggested, the $15 loss won't hurt my wallet much.

the lovely borshelli accordion of castelfidardo, italy


while researching the origins of flea markets, i encountered some citing no know origin. other sources indicate that secondhand sellers started to flourish in the large markets of fledging cities from the middle ages thru the 18th century. they were sometimes called as "ragpickers." one of the world's first and largest flea markets is the Saint-Quen in paris. the term "flea" may have come from the flea-infested sofas and other used furniture sold at these secondhand markets. well, if my cat (who seems to like the new sofa a lot) starts scratching madly, i shouldn't be surprised!

adrenaline rush

insomnia, i think. i've been busy rearranging and moving furniture around since i got back from s.c. i've yet to shower from the hiking and climbing over rocks earlier today. perhaps finding out soon after i got home that my ear protocol class is canceled tomorrow inadvertently energized me. it actually would be nice to have some company other than a meowing cat wanting my attention. sigh. the unraveling of my apartment continues. . .

denouement

i never thought i'd turn to blogging as one would to a therapist, albeit formless and insentient. i kept diaries and sketchbooks since gradeschool. i think that's what kept me from going to bedlam. i still fill 50% of my sketchbooks with emotional outpourings and arbitrary thought. i think the notion that some anonymous person could read my miscellany and react, empathize or whatever is curiously appealing, yet not necessarily comforting. even if i write to nothingness, to no one but this black hole of the Web.
i shed some tears en route to santa cruz. the rest of the way my eyes burned immensely. random flashback clicked in and out; my brain was a self-acting view-master. i decompressed on boulders along the ocean for a couple of hours and marveled at the marine life:

pettable sea grass! i thought of those punk wigs.


large starfish in the tidepool

the final resting location was at the pfeiffer state park by a large redwood along a creek that carried water from pfeiffer falls. i was fascinated by how so many of the giant redwoods have a cave-like entry at the base of their trunks. it was a rather numbing experience. i felt in a daze, in part from having an occipital headache and carsickness. the intangible and ineffable are surreal.

see you in my dreams

in less than 12 hours i will be on my way south toward santa cruz. after 8 months i am finally relinquishing my hold on my mother's remains, so that she can be reunited with her 2nd half. after consulting with a couple of friends, we decided on julia pfeiffer beach at big sur. anne is meeting me in santa cruz, then spending a weekend in the bay area to research her latest business venture. although i don't pray or acknowledge my mom daily, it's been strangely comforting having her around, so to speak. at times i think, would it matter if i kept a small ampoule of ashes? it is tempting. but her wish was to have us disperse all, to have no physical attachements. it was her wish to have the other half sprinkled among the trees, up high by the sea betwixt anne and me. it would be selfish if i were to revoke my promise. perhaps seeing the dust getting absorbed by the trees and earth would be cathartic and provide a closure––
a sure release of the heart.