Doxorubicin liposomal

so my mom's relapsed in a big way pathologically, but physically i've never seen her with this much stamina. she's put herself on this specific diet for cancer sufferers. all i know is it entails this special vegetable broth concoction using burdock root, daikon leaves, and more. mom just drinks the liquids, and the house aid take the deflated veggies home to compost. in addition, mom avoids sugars and simple carbs, eats certain grains and fruits, among other restrictions. she is very strict (bordering superstition) about her diet, yet would get sudden yens for this or that; and though not hungry, i'd go with her to fulfill her cravings.
according to ACS (american cancer association) and mayo clinic, endometrial cancer is the most common female reproductive cancer, and each year there are about 40,000 new cases. yet, mom's doctor tells us most patients with advanced or recurring uterine cancer do not respond positively to chemotherapy. what are these pharma companies up to? research and development money allocations are really skewed. i guess compared to breast cancer at 200,000+ cases a year, money poured into that research can be more justified. surprisingly my mom's cancer responded to both of her chemo cycles, although the last cycle of combo drugs could have easily killed her had she not stopped midway. but then, that might explain why she's relapsed again. who knows. after the cisplatin-taxol combo (hmm or was it carboplatin-taxol? well they are similar) mom avowed never to do chemo again. but now, her choice is either to let the cancer slowly overtake her body or try chemo again. neither are particularly enticing, huh? dr. anderson emphasized mom's unexpected reponses to both drugs previously; he admitted that the team didnt think she'd survive when she was first admitted. albeit, there are no guarantees with the drug she'll get this time-doxil (doxorubicin liposomal); it would "just buy you more time." still equally depressing BUT it would put off the fear of this cancer obstructing your bowels, eating your lungs, seeping into your bones until death is imminent. i tried to put myself in my mother's shoes. with chemotherapy you look forward to utter exhaustion, constipation-cramping, nausea-vomitting, heart failure, devastatingly low blood counts, loss of appetite, kidney failure, and other lesser physical effects like alopecia and skin discoloration. pick your poison. they are both death traps eventually.

i shaved my mom's head yesterday in anticipation of the alopecia to come. she says it's easier that way so her carpet and shower drain won't be littered with hair.

pray for peace and equanimity

driving back to my dad's house last night i saw a huge billboard right outside sugar land on I-59S that read "have you prayed for our troops today?" a waving flag was the background. i wanted to stop to gawk, take a picture, then deface the ad. yeah i'll pray that they come to their senses and be true heroes by becoming conscientious objectors. i've noticed a HUGE re-emergence in church advertisements and gargantuan congregational facilities in the last 2 years. the former summit arena (or compaq center) where the Rockets used to play is now an ugly church. these modern places of worship are such eyesores, like your wal-marts and sam's.
yesterday morning i went to buy cards for my grandfather's birtday. literally half the greeting cards at walgreens were related to christianity. there was even a special religious card section. i wanted to puke.

regardless of body type, gotta go for xsmall

there oughta be some medical study out there that investigates organ damage, infertility or necrotic enterocolitis as a result of wearing clothing, especially pants that are 2 sizes or more too small. the county hospital in houston has endless subjects as described running amok. oh, included should also be infants born to such mothers with too-tight pants. these babies should need a total systemic function test.
images of the big Aviva (who stays with mama sunshine) from the film Palindromes come to mind.

land o' the biggin'

the amount of obese people in houston compared to san francisco is tenfold. aside from the different palate and lifestyle, weather contributes to this weight problem, in my opinion. being so hot and humid, you really don't want to go out. i find myself just sitting around being sedentary. any movements result in a sweat-fest. the moment i step outside i feel suffocated. the heat slams you and boxes you in. no wonder people just get into their air-conditioned super SUVS to travel just 1/2 mile or across the street. of course it doesnt help that most places are so far apart you really do have to drive. i always feel so blah and fat when i come back. i get virtually no exercise. well, there's not much to do at mom's house. i mainly just sit and read or sit and have loud discussions with my mom regarding religion, communist china, and other controversial topics. we don't see eye to eye on a lot of things. she's very black and white and tends to use extreme examples not applicable to the topic of discussion. yesterday i told her she's a poor listener. i don't think she even understood that very well. she says it's a language barrier and didnt really want to listen to me explain. my sister and i agree that she's a bad listener. a while ago, i was criticizing christian proslyetizers, then she started saying well christianity is better than communism. i wasnt even discussing communism or politics. that was not even close to my point of argument. was she listening to my points? stuff like this happens a lot. communists have no religion and are against religion, she says. i retorted i myself have no religion and dislike religion in general. am i just as bad? she didnt like that comment. oh well. . we've been debating since the ride back from the hospital. must be the long wait and confinement in an anemic lighting and artificial air. a 15-minute CT scan takes 3 hours at ben taub. that was actually shorter than we expected. well, i can't complain too much. this is free, indigent care. the staff here are wonderful and caring, but things are just disorganized and take forever. so we won't get 1st class treatment and get waited on hand-and-foot like at md anderson but at least we won't go bankrupt. besides mom's chief oncologist was trained at md anderson and still does work there.

to do

Kemo Sabe (the best new band in SF) will be playing at. . .
The Stork Club :: Tuesday, June 14th @ 10pm
2330 telegraph ave., oakland
Club Deluxe :: Wednesday, June 15th @ 9 pm
1511 haight st at ashbury, SF (delicious pizza!!)

i leave for houston to see family this sunday. so far, this is what i look forward to–95º temperature and 90% humidity! yeehaw!

think, above all things

"every native of every place is a potential tourist, and every tourist is a native somewhere. every native would like to find a way out. every native would like a rest. every native would like a tour; but some natives, most natives, cannot go anywhere. they're too poor to escape the realites of their lives, and they're too poor to live properly in the place where they live, which is the place you, the toursit, want to go. so when the natives see you the tourist they envy you. they envy your own ability to leave your own banality and boredom. they envy your ability to turn their banality and boredom into a source of pleasure for yourself."
-from documentary life and debt, poignant words by jamaica kincaid

free trade is not fair trade. with free trade the rich get richer, and the rest get let behind. these corporate and political slimeballs have NO conscious and only hollow compassion.
fair trade federation

damn kue

i sated my yen for scrabble tonight at maggie mudd, the only late night place in my neighborhood. kent and i were amazed at the constant flow of people wanting ice-cream or shakes on a chilly, monday night. . .in june (ah, the irony). maggie mudd has the best non-dairy options for lactose rejects, like me.
i maintained my lead and eventual win with the bingo RETAINS (S was a blank tile). according to nerdy books on scrabble, those exact letters make the 6-letter stem RETINA, which generates one of the most permutations of 7-letter words in combo with another letter. some aver that the best 6-letter stem to have is SATINE, then SATIRE, followed by RETINA.

"T for Texas"

can you imagine a gaunt, japanese man possibly in his mid 40s singing honky tonk music?
wednesday at club deluxe, toshio hirano performed with his bass player kenan (whom i surmise wasn't of legal drinking age yet). toshio sings old country tunes, particularly those of jimmie rodgers. he had the twang and yodeling down to a T. i was captivated. he engaged the audience and gave insight about song names and writers. toshio and bass player were called back to stage at least 3 times after trying to call it a night. they humbly delighted us with more tunes.

go taiwan!

the UN world environment day (WED) took place in san francisco this year. i'm bummed i missed out on the green screen film fest. i did go to the expo at fort mason on sunday. what better way to arrive there than on bike. i was surprised, then delighted to find out that Tainan, my mother's hometown, has become a green city. the city had a booth showcasing their greening transformations and efforts to save the endangered black-faced spoonbill birds. a taiwanese man behind the booth excitedly handed me many freebies. i told him i was taiwanese and my mom was from tainan. there was also another booth touting taipei's efforts in conservation and in going greener. i'm relieved the island may delay its imminent, eventual self-destruction. the last time i was in taiwan, i was still shaking my head at all the trash and littering, pollution and waste. the KMT and greedy chinese/int'l investors have a lot to blame.

hmmm

disturbing discoveries
"fuck her for being so unique, so difficult to forget, so beautiful... damn"

it's a strange world isn't it?

just look around us. the media, albeit dramatized to death. michael jackson. flesh-eating bacteria. Amorphophallus titanum (corpse flower). gw as prez. fibrodysplasia ossificans progressiva. bioluminescent marine creatures. the list is infinite.
blue velvet