atopos

for over a year now, there has been an online diary through SFGate (online version of SF Chronicle), written by one of their copy editors who had been diagnosed with a rare cancer. it's called Alicia's Story. i keep up with her diary every so often; she chronicles her battle with cancer, treatment, and her daily life-good and bad. her story is honest and doesnt invite pity but empathy and reflection. i just read her latest entry and felt compeled to finally make a commentary. i can't help getting choked up. the stoic, reticent reputation i built up in my teens and 20s is over. as a primary caretaker for my mom during her cancer ordeal, i know how painful cancers can be, and the emotional rollercoaster one goes through. alicia's mom also died from cancer. i wonder if the feeling of loss will ever go away when a parent dies. i feel particularly emotional because next week would mark 6 months since her passing. it's still so surreal. maybe once anne and i disperse the other half of her remains in june, and i make a trip back to houston soon would bring more closure. sometimes i feel so numb to the loss and that bothers me. i have friends who have lost a parent and know 2 medics at the clinic who have lost their mothers to cancer. i know i'm not alone, and life goes on. . . but it still sucks. i just have to strive for that balance of indifference, melancholy, and happy rememberance; never invite pity or to self-pity.

power of 3

three has been a significant number historically and culturally. 3 points make a triangle, a shape of a flat pyramid or where the 3rd eye can be found. trigonometry. 3 magis. the pietá (and other triangular works of art). newton's 3 laws of motion. the holy trinity. philosopher Hegel's concept of triads, particularly thesis, antithesis and synthesis. i even came upon a site devoted to 3's called the book of threes. on a lighter note, there are three's company, three stooges and three musketeers.
my grandmother just passed away. my cousin amber called the other day asking if i was going back to taiwan for the funeral rites. she said, 'yeah you know how they say death occurs in threes.' amber cites an example regarding her mom encountering 3 deaths in succession. within 9 months, i have now experienced 3 deaths: grandpa, my mom, and now grandma. now i think back when my maternal grandparents passed away within a year of the other. was there a 3rd i can't recall?
so, i'm off to my 3rd funeral next saturday. what melancholy.
life. death. after-life or (fill-in-blank).